It's that mental barrier again - amazing!

It's amazing how just getting over one single mental barrier gives you hope?  So for almost 3 weeks I just could not get over that 2.5 min barrier.  Then I eventually managed the 2x2.5s last week (twice ;-) )

So this week's task is 5w, 2j, 2w, 3j, 5w.  So there's another big jump - THREE MINUTES.  I was up early this morning so decided - let's do this - let's get it over and done with and then I'll know where I am.  So off I went at a nice wee trot when the first running bit beeped.  2 minutes, no problem.  But I knew I could do that, so no credit for myself just yet lol.  2w and I turned to head back as the HIIT programme beep, beep, beeped at me to start running for 3.  What were you all worried about??  Eh??  lol  I managed the three minutes with few issues to be absolutely honest, and even had enough energy at the end to jump and punch the air as if I'd just scored the winning goal for Scotland in a world cup final........ ok so that might be a LITTLE far fetched ;-)  However - same again tomorrow morning (dependent on how the head is after tonight) again on Thursday and Saturday, and then Monday I can move on to next week's task.  No idea what that is yet, I just want to concentrate on getting this 2 min/3min down pat first.

See you all tomorrow xx

Week 10. Well week 20 actually.

Looking back to when i first set out on this path, i can scarcely believe how far I've come. I'm running for crying out loud - RUNNING I TELLS YA!

Now, bad weather, and a week's holiday have me a couple of weeks behind everyone else, which bothers me ever so slightly.  But not that much ;-) Because, for the first time probably since I started, I'm not going to be hard on myself,  I'm not going to say I've failed and I'm definitely NOT going to say I feel disappointed.  Well, how can I really, honestly say I'm disappointed in myself? 

In August when i started this, about ten seconds was my limit.  Now I'm getting down on myself because i can't quite push myself to do 2 and a half minutes. Twice.  In the one 20 minute session lol!!

I'll get there, I know I will. Just like I've got there with every other hurdle I've faced so far.  It might  be this week, it might not be. But one thing is absolutely certain. If it's not this week, it'll not be for the lack of effort.

The goal for some time in 2013 is to get a 5k under my belt. Whenever that happens to be. After that? Well who knows? Because I know I can do anything I want to now.

Have a great Christmas everyone - I'm planning on catching up on some of what I've missed on the plan, so no weeks off for me. But that's something I'm perfectly happy with - and ssshhh don't tell anyone, but I'm quite looking forward to it!

Lamp posts yesterday afternoon

1.9k alternate jogging and walking between lamp posts. But that's not even close to being the full story. Because in the morning, i did a 5k.

Yes, i did say i did a 5k and yes i did do the 1.9k in the afternoon. Why? Well, in my life in the past 2 years, I've had to face my biggest fear, as i got up to go to the toilet during the night to find a snake in my bathroom. In exotic, sub tropical err Glasgow. On Sunday i was forced to face another, if not fear, then certainly a harsh reality of being a "fat burd trying to run." And that is finishing last while the organisers tap their feet and gather up the cones as you pass them on your trek in.  Similar to a snake in the bathroom - this is something that has always been in the back of my mind might happen, but in reality both are highly unlikely to do so.

Well, now I've experienced both scenarios, and at the time of their occurrences, i am genuinely not sure which one made me  feel worse. Of course, in the cold light of the day after the race - the snake wins by a country mile, however, for one hour yesterday, i felt like i was the unfittest person in the world, i panicked and my plan to run went completely out the window and i walked the majority of the race.  Because literally, the stewards WERE picking up the cones as i passed them, and not only that, we also picked up stewards as we passed them. Figuratively speaking of course, but by the time finished my friend (to whom i owe a huge huge thank you, as without her presence, I'd have walked off the course as soon as it became obvious i was going to finish last) and i had our own wee entourage of half a dozen stewards, several wooden km marker posts and a dog.

I had hoped to be able to run for 10 minutes of the full 5k, and secretly i had hoped to absolutely smash that. Instead, i felt like i was in the way, with a steward clearing the path ahead of me, bawling at the early returners to keep to their left and thus (in my mind) out of my way. Suddenly, my breathing that I'd struggled so long with, and had worked so hard on, was shallow, panicky and i felt like i was out of breath just walking.

Anyway, fast forward to the end, as i genuinely could not tell you much that happened during the race, and i ran the last minute or so to the line. Annoyingly i wasn't out of breath, as I'd totally relaxed by then, and then everyone applauding as we eventually crossed the line.

I felt really embarrassed yesterday, and really disappointed at how i had reacted to the adversity thrown at me. So disappointed in fact, that when i got home i kept the trainers on and i went out and jogged the 2k road. Why? Because i could, and because it's what i felt i should have done in the race.

Today though? Well, today is a different kettle of fish. Today, i requested that my time not be put on the site, so embarrassed was I still. However, thankfully i was too late, and it was already on. Thankfully, because instead of being, as i thought, a good 20-30 minutes behind everybody else, it turns out i was behind the last but one competitor by a measly 10 minutes. Now - THAT i can live with. That news this morning only served to bring on an attack of the "if onlys"  IF ONLY, i had relaxed and ignored what was going on around me with the cone gatherers.  IF ONLY I had relaxed and jogged for the periods of time i knew i could.  And most importantly of all IF ONLY I had listened to my 7 time marathon companion Steph, who told me that all the way round the course!!!! I promise I'll pay heed to you the next time Steph, and I'm sorry for the tears and snotters on your shoulder lol.

Additionally, the support from sue and the jogScotland folk both at the end of the race and today has been absolutely top class. I really don't know where my head would have been all through this if I'm being honest without sue, Steph and my pal Emily, who appeared to have swallowed a quote book today lol. Thank you so much, i know I'm hard work, but please stick with me, i need it x and for anyone who doubts the power of social media in turning someone's life around - contact me, I'll fill you in on mine!

So, to sum up one hell of a weekend - with a full day today to think about it - I've decided i can do one of 2 things. I can let it get to me, decide I'm just not cut out to be a runner and chuck it. Or i could suck it up, get over myself and get on with it.

So......... jogScotland - please accept this as your first entry for the 2013 Santa dash and get ready for a different, stronger, fitter me to turn up. Oh aye, and don't bother bringing a clock that goes above 40 minutes, I'll not be needing it!  ;-) #famouslastwords #bravepills

Yesterday I turned 41

.... and I went out for a drink with friends, as I did last year for my 40th. However - there is where the similarities between those two days end.  My 40th was a complete watershed day for me. I had (have?) a very low self esteem. I worried that perhaps no one would come and have a drink with me. I didn't like myself very much, so why would others? 

What actually happened was a bit of a personal Epiphany, as TWENTY FIVE different people popped in at various points throughout the day. Now, if I'd had a party there may have been more, of course. However - I was expecting to go out for a few drinks with a couple of pals and thought maybe one or two more might pop in. You can see why 25 kind of blew me away a little. I've thought - all these people - some senior folk in my work even - have taken time out of their Saturday to wish me happy birthday and spend some time. I do not have the vocabulary to convey everything I felt that day

So what's happened since? Well, the answers are all in my preceding blog posts, but in short,  I've thought to myself - if all these people like me, I guess there must be something in there worth liking - so let's find out what it is?

My personal twitter profile, created in 2008, has on it "inside me is a runner trying to get out." Running is something I always thought I would do at some stage. So as soon as the weather got better, around the end of March last year - I started walking. At first I walked a mile. Half a mile from my house and back. And it almost killed me. However, I stuck with it - and after walking the race for life in June, I joined jog Scotland and from then I've become a new person. I'm struggling badly at the moment, physically, mentally and culinary,  but I WILL get through it, I WILL manage it.

What will my blog post for my 42nd birthday be about? I really cannot wait to find out!! x