1.9k alternate jogging and walking between lamp posts. But that's not even close to being the full story. Because in the morning, i did a 5k.
Yes, i did say i did a 5k and yes i did do the 1.9k in the afternoon. Why? Well, in my life in the past 2 years, I've had to face my biggest fear, as i got up to go to the toilet during the night to find a snake in my bathroom. In exotic, sub tropical err Glasgow. On Sunday i was forced to face another, if not fear, then certainly a harsh reality of being a "fat burd trying to run." And that is finishing last while the organisers tap their feet and gather up the cones as you pass them on your trek in. Similar to a snake in the bathroom - this is something that has always been in the back of my mind might happen, but in reality both are highly unlikely to do so.
Well, now I've experienced both scenarios, and at the time of their occurrences, i am genuinely not sure which one made me feel worse. Of course, in the cold light of the day after the race - the snake wins by a country mile, however, for one hour yesterday, i felt like i was the unfittest person in the world, i panicked and my plan to run went completely out the window and i walked the majority of the race. Because literally, the stewards WERE picking up the cones as i passed them, and not only that, we also picked up stewards as we passed them. Figuratively speaking of course, but by the time finished my friend (to whom i owe a huge huge thank you, as without her presence, I'd have walked off the course as soon as it became obvious i was going to finish last) and i had our own wee entourage of half a dozen stewards, several wooden km marker posts and a dog.
I had hoped to be able to run for 10 minutes of the full 5k, and secretly i had hoped to absolutely smash that. Instead, i felt like i was in the way, with a steward clearing the path ahead of me, bawling at the early returners to keep to their left and thus (in my mind) out of my way. Suddenly, my breathing that I'd struggled so long with, and had worked so hard on, was shallow, panicky and i felt like i was out of breath just walking.
Anyway, fast forward to the end, as i genuinely could not tell you much that happened during the race, and i ran the last minute or so to the line. Annoyingly i wasn't out of breath, as I'd totally relaxed by then, and then everyone applauding as we eventually crossed the line.
I felt really embarrassed yesterday, and really disappointed at how i had reacted to the adversity thrown at me. So disappointed in fact, that when i got home i kept the trainers on and i went out and jogged the 2k road. Why? Because i could, and because it's what i felt i should have done in the race.
Today though? Well, today is a different kettle of fish. Today, i requested that my time not be put on the site, so embarrassed was I still. However, thankfully i was too late, and it was already on. Thankfully, because instead of being, as i thought, a good 20-30 minutes behind everybody else, it turns out i was behind the last but one competitor by a measly 10 minutes. Now - THAT i can live with. That news this morning only served to bring on an attack of the "if onlys" IF ONLY, i had relaxed and ignored what was going on around me with the cone gatherers. IF ONLY I had relaxed and jogged for the periods of time i knew i could. And most importantly of all IF ONLY I had listened to my 7 time marathon companion Steph, who told me that all the way round the course!!!! I promise I'll pay heed to you the next time Steph, and I'm sorry for the tears and snotters on your shoulder lol.
Additionally, the support from sue and the jogScotland folk both at the end of the race and today has been absolutely top class. I really don't know where my head would have been all through this if I'm being honest without sue, Steph and my pal Emily, who appeared to have swallowed a quote book today lol. Thank you so much, i know I'm hard work, but please stick with me, i need it x and for anyone who doubts the power of social media in turning someone's life around - contact me, I'll fill you in on mine!
So, to sum up one hell of a weekend - with a full day today to think about it - I've decided i can do one of 2 things. I can let it get to me, decide I'm just not cut out to be a runner and chuck it. Or i could suck it up, get over myself and get on with it.
So......... jogScotland - please accept this as your first entry for the 2013 Santa dash and get ready for a different, stronger, fitter me to turn up. Oh aye, and don't bother bringing a clock that goes above 40 minutes, I'll not be needing it! ;-) #famouslastwords #bravepills
No comments:
Post a Comment