So, depression......

.....it's an absolute bastard isn't it?  It sneaks back in to your life, when you least expect it, settles in and becomes an unwanted houseguest.  For the past two months, it's been eating away at me to the point where I daren't look at anyone at work far less engage in conversation with them, for fear that I would burst out crying, as was a regular occurrence.

Tears - what a weakling. Continually I asked myself - why are you crying, only to find that I could never answer myself.  I don't know why I was crying at the oddest of things.  I don't know why I wanted to lock the door, shut out the world and never get out of my bed again.  And I certainly don't know why I thought I might find the answer at the bottom of a wine bottle, or at the bottom of my second wine bottle, or at the bottom of my third...... well you get the picture.

My diet suffered.  And I use the term diet in generic terms here obviously.  I don't "diet" in terms of following a set plan any more, but my eating certainly suffered.  And not necessarily perhaps in the way you might think, where I would regress back to the old takeaway habit.  No this time, arguably worse in that I wasn't eating that much at all.  I couldn't be bothered.  In fact, I just couldn't be bothered with anything.

Getting up for work was a chore.  Getting to and from work, without a car.... was a chore.  Actually working when I got there..... was a chore. Going shopping for food..... was a chore.  In fact anything was a chore.  Anything at all.  Even thoughts.  Often my mind was completely blank, and I'd stare into space on a regular basis thinking about....... nothing.

It will surprise you then to hear then, that I just could not fall asleep.  With a mind full of hee haw, it should be easy to fall asleep, right?  Nope.  Often I would find myself having to crowbar myself out of bed to head to work, having not shut an eye for a single second through the night.  Why? Normally I can't sleep for worrying about things. And there were nights when that was the case too.  But for the most part - I lay staring, eyes glazed over doing nothing, thinking about nothing and not sleeping

Pull yourself together.  Often I said that to myself.  Get a grip of yourself, you're a grown woman, you're a sensible, intelligent person, sort yourself out.  Yeah, not surprisingly that didn't work! :-)  At the same time, I've developed this cold like virus - probably through lack of nutritious food/fruits/veg etc coupled with a severe lack of sleep. So I went to the Doctor.  About the cold of course, because there was nothing else wrong with me.  When I went to the doc, she sounded me all out and I held it totally together until she asked me that crushing question that will reduce most to tears.... "Do you work?"  Crumbling under the pressure of such a difficult question - I burst into tears. I mean really - come on - what is wrong with me??  So anyway more questions later the Doctor was trying to give me a line for four weeks, to take some time off as she thinks I "might have a wee touch of depression"  I refused the line, thinking I could tough it out and I'd be fine after (yet another) weekend of "chilling" ie lying in my bed, or on the couch. I did however accept her very kind offer of some happy pills.  Citalopram.

I thought this was the right thing to do - get over it by taking the pep pills, acting "normal" like nothing was wrong and work away as usual.  However - that's not exactly what was happening, because every day, I was sitting at work, struggling every waking minute to not cry at my desk, fervently hoping that no one would speak to me for fear of bursting into tears at such probing questions like "Can I borrow your stapler?" or "Do you have lunch in with you today, or might we need to go out at lunchtime?"  Reading emails, and more importantly understanding them, a vital part of my job, was taking 10s of minutes instead of minutes, and I was working longer and longer days, and completing fewer and fewer tasks.  Meanwhile friends both at work and outwith work, were getting concerned and closer to me or pissed off/impatient and further away from me in almost equal measure, dependent on the person's views on depression (or whatever it was they perceived to be "up" with me) clearly.  A couple of friends in particular though, I really don't think they realise just how much they did - purely just by staying in touch and listening, or by making me meet them after work for something to eat and a chat.

But it's ok - because what I can do is get my backside in gear and get back to the running and cycling.  Yeah that'll sort me out.  Except see above...... longer hours at work, home in the dark, can't be bothered, staring into space, lying in bed...... yaddah yaddah yaddah, blah blah blah, excuse excuse excuse.  And day after day after day after day, the running and the cycling never happened

Today however, I took the bull by the horns, spoke to my boss, admitted I needed help, tried not to cry and failed miserably, and started looking to getting out of this spiral.  Fortunately we have a good Employee Assistance Programme in our work, so tomorrow I'll make an appointment with them and take it from there.  But my word what relief I feel today.

So what was the root cause of the depression?  I have no idea.  I have a great life.  Great family.  Great friends.  Decent job (heck any job in this climate is a good thing - right?) On the face of it to those who know nothing of me - I have everything. I am single, I have a car, my own home, a job, good friends who care for me. Even online people whom I've never met, keep a virtual eye on me.  So what's the issue?  Well - on the other hand - I'm single, I have a car, my own home...... etc etc etc.  It's a very true phrase that reads you should never judge a person until you have walked a mile in their shoes.

So here begins yet another part of my journey.  Work tomorrow then off for 3 days, during which the weather is supposed to be great.  So my intention is to get out at least on the bike if not out on Shanks' Pony for a wee trot.  Time will tell how I get on with that, but I need to try something.  22 weeks today I'll be a volunteer at the commonwealth games, and I fully intend to be looking great for that!! 

Struggles

You know, it's been a right struggle recently. I don't know why. I could cite worries about family health, money, work, friends, relationships, any one of which could be to blame. I could blame my loss of focus on having been on the holiday that for so much of last year I was targeting as a progress checkpoint. I could blame my often fluctuating mental health, I could even blame the weather....  well I'm British aren't I? Don't we always talk about the weather.....?  ;-)

Yeah I could pick any or all of those as being the reason why my fitness journey....... my blogging......... my progress....... have all stalled.  And I would be right. Whichever one I picked, at whatever given time, in my head.......... I would be right.  

I changed my facebook profile picture this morning to one taken yesterday that I really liked. And tonight, I had cause to look for another, older, photo. While doing so, I came across one which captured how I used to appear to others.  It struck me that the difference between this picture and the one I liked from yesterday was startling. I could not get out of my head how much happier, healthier and more alert I looked in the photo from yesterday. 

But for me the biggest difference was that one wee tiny part in the first sentence of that last paragraph "....one.... that I really liked..... " I honestly could not count the number of years that I have avoided cameras, or that I dreaded seeing pictures of me, or that I did not feel a stab of utter embarrassment each time I actually DID have to look at a photo of me.  But today? And the half dozen or so photos, taken of me yesterday? I'm happy to look at them, I'm proud to say "that's me in those photos" and I'm happy to show them to others.

But, most of all, looking at the comparison below, I look forward to seeing the one on the right being the "before" photo! I look forward to seeing what the next stage in this fantastic journey is about to look like. 

A chilled wee run tonight

Tonight I decided to follow my good friend Steph's advice....... shhhhh can you hear that??  That's the sound of Steph shouting "THANK FFFF.... goodness for that - at long last!"

Tonight I, again, couldn't be bothered, but following a lovely wee chat with one of the managers on leaving the office, and publicly announcing I was going home to go for a run, I felt I had to do just that.  So before I could let me change my mind, I ran upstairs, changed into the running gear and got myself plugged in to the muzak and out the door.

I'm still in turmoil over how far, how long and what frequency to run each length for...... etc etc etc - so tonight - Steph - I heard your words ringing in my ear - "just go out and RUN and enjoy it" So that's exactly what I did.  I walked my 5 minute warm up and decided I was going to run until I couldn't run any further, or til I got to the roundabout, whichever came first.  No pressure. Just run. I made it to the roundabout - clocked the time on Endomondo and walked for 3 minutes.  Then I ran all the way back to the lamp post where I started running after my 5 minute warm up. 

When I checked the lap times - believe it or not - the first run clocked at a few seconds over 10 minutes.  And I felt fine.  The second run clocked at just under 8 minutes.  Walked my 5 ish minutes back tot he house, did my stretches and dinner now smells awesome.

Steph. I can never repay you for all the times you are at the end of a phone/text/email to listen to my latest wailings on this hugely mentally challenging journey with a cheery, encouraging, positive response, but hey - baby steps - I am at least now heeding your advice at long (long) last!!

xx

Time to chuck it??

It’s been a wee while since my last blog, and perhaps this one may explain why.  I don’t know how many times I have asked myself in the last four to six weeks or so – “Is it time to chuck it?  Have I come as far as I can?  Is this really a step too far, and is it something I am just not meant to do?”  I’ve had a calf injury and a cold, followed by (when I got back to JogScotland again) a grave case of can’t be arsedness and I have truly struggled with keeping it going.  As each session with jogScotland went I was able to do less than I was doing before, and there was more activity taking place in my head than using my feet.  My thoughts were continually in that negative rut that I was struggling hard to escape from. What is the point of this, I’m getting nowhere, I’m miles behind everyone else, I’m not getting any better at this……. and other general oh woe is me type stuff.

To further compound my “misery” we had changed to a new block and we have new folk joining up which is absolutely brilliant for the club.  But from a personal point of view, this negative thought process that was almost consuming me at times was compounded when all of the newbies are better than me.  I can of course cope with that in itself, because I DO realise how far I have to go, and I DO realise how important it is for someone like me to take it slowly and ultimately I didn’t put the weight on overnight, so I’m definitely not going to shift it overnight.  But I think what slammed me further into the deck was listening to comments like “It’s only running for 5 minutes, I mean anybody can do that that’s a dawdle”  Normally things like that  I would just shrug off as chest thumping, but presumably because of the way I was feeling at the time, it really did feel a wee bit like a fatal blow to my already fragile, almost non existent confidence, and gave rise to these doubts to flow over and over and over in my head. In fact – you could say that this was the only thing “running” last week ;-)

For the last two weeks though, I have chatted this through with the absolutely superb JogLeaders who have totally turned my attitude on its head again.  They brought me round to a more positive way of thinking by highlighting the fact that I am gutted that I am not able to run 4x6 minutes is absolutely brilliant and rather than being a failure, it shows how much I have improved.  When I consider that at the very beginning the 10x30 seconds was even beyond my reach – I realise that they are correct – the fact I am getting down about something as insignificant as this is….. well actually quite hilarious really!!

So last night again, I never managed the 4x6 minutes, and again yes I was a little disappointed, but I can’t afford to be that way for long or I’ll never get anywhere.  So we decided we’ll just try it again next week, and the week after if needs be too, until I CAN do it. 

Back to those three questions from the first paragraph – “Is it time to chuck it?”  Absolutely not!  “Have I come as far as I can?” Not a chance – I’ve still got so much to achieve – and “Is it something I am just not meant to do?” No no no no no!  I can and WILL do it!  

Baggy Trousers

Today's blog post, is a guest blog on Stuart Doyle's blog Out the Comfort Zone.  A great idea for a blog subject as running surely takes us all out our comfort one at one point or another?

24 - Episode 3

This week, I ran for a total of 24 minutes.  Again, nothing to you guys who have been running for donkeys, but to me, who the week before Christmas was struggling with 2.5 minutes - this is now huge!

3 sessions of 8x1min walk/jog was the task for this week.  And that task was achieved.  Next week is 5x2 mins walk/jog.  BRING. IT. ON!!

What I'm doing to help me is noting what the next week's task is, and trying it myself on either the Saturday or Sunday prior to the week I'm due to start it.  That way at the jogScotland club, I already KNOW I can do it, so I'm a bit more settled mentally.  I'm not thinking I need to beat Usain Bolt.  I'm not thinking I should be keeping up with the guy in front of me.  I'm not thinking that I'm keeping anybody back.  And I'm not thinking of each passing second and wondering ow much longer I have to go.

I'm just running.  Following on from last week's blog, I'm much more relaxed, much more assured of what I am doing, and much more determined than I have ever been, to succeed.

I am not Usain Bolt

Clearly this will not be news to most of you.  However, I have just realised this.

I'm NOT Usain Bolt...........
I'll never be Usain Bolt...........

So why have I been taking off like I've been taking him on the Olympic 100m final?  Over the Christmas period our jogScotland group is off, but some of them have still been meeting up on the Tues/Thur/sat.  However I've not been meeting up with them, purely because I'm in a wee group on my own and during the blocks it's ok to "expect" someone to come out with me, but during their own time, I wouldn't expect that.  So I've hooked up the headphones, updated my old Spandau Ballet records and put them onto mp3, dug out my leg warmers and went out to pound the pavements on my own.

In doing this I have felt calm, chilled, and able to do ANYTHING! I happily went from 2 to 4 minutes in 2 weeks having struggled so much with the 2.5s.  And I'm happil going to attempt something different on Saturday morning, or maybe even tomorrow morning.  So why am I so chilled relaxed and calm running myself?  I can certainly state that it's not through any pressure from the jog leaders to run any faster.  Indeed they are at great pains to tell me to run at my own pace and run behind me.

So what then?  He he - it's got to me hasn't it?  Just when I thought I'd got over ONE mental barrier - here's another bloomin one!! It's me putting pressure on myself again running at a pace I think that they think I should be running at........  (I think that's right lol)

Anyway - whether it's right or it's wrong, that's far too much thinking right there! So this week I've went on Tuesday and Thursday and just run.  Nothin else - don't care how slow it is, don't care whether I'm keeping anybody back, just running.  And I have thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it, instead of trying to count every minute of it.  So why didn't I do THAT from the start??  Jings - I'm my own worst enemy sometimes :D

And to prove how relaxed I am now - here is a pic of me with the rest of the jogScotland group - just at the end of tonight's session ;-)

Still absolutely loaded with the cold

But last night was both the registration night for the next jog Scotland night,  and a meeting of the group we've formed to try and save the leisure centre we all use locally. So I put aside the cold and not only went along, but I decided to leave the car and walk along, see if it would clear my airways.

I also decided to try and move up to the next stage and try the 1min/4min jog. Here's where I have to make a confession. I've been telling everybody I did it, but I have to admit that my weary legs gave out ever so slightly before the beep of my HIIT timer. About 10 seconds before. But I'm going to forgive myself for that slight slip because by this time I had man flu and was coughing that much that I was about to be sick lol.

So. I'm claiming that as a success!!

Happy New Year

First post of the year, even though I intended to make a ceremonial post on new year's day. However the cold put paid to that and I spent a very pleasant day in the company of my family, albeit with a head that felt like it was full of cotton wool, and had the Atlantic ocean cascading thru my lugs!

So no fanfare or symbolic running on new year's day to herald the "new year new me" that I had determined that 2013 was going to be for me. I was disappointed that I didn't feel up to going running, but in equal measure,  I was also highly amused at myself. Here is a person who this time last year on new year's day, never even TURNED up at her mother's house, so hungover from the night before was she lol. And this year on hogmanay, aided in no small part by feeling rotten with the cold, I had about 3 halfs, as I was determined to run on the first.

Sadly, when I awoke I was coughing like a good un and I decided that as well as it not being good idea to go out in the rain, there was a chance it could actually be counter productive and set me back.  So a family day it was, and what a great day, despite, as I said, the waves crashing in my head. As for the new year new me symbolism that I map so convinced a run would cement? Well, technically, I'd need to do that about august. Because that's when I started on the jog Scotland path and THAT'S when the new me started to grow. So look out for a wee happy new year new me post around then from yours truly. Similarly, new year's resolutions also non existent for me. Instead of the usual unattainable pipe dreams, this year I have achievable goals and a determination to carry on the work we have done over the past 4 months

So all the best to you and yours, and thank you so much for being there, for reading this, for commenting on my travails and most of all for your unstinting, unconditional positive backing. Without it, I'd most likely have chucked it by now

xxx

It's that mental barrier again - amazing!

It's amazing how just getting over one single mental barrier gives you hope?  So for almost 3 weeks I just could not get over that 2.5 min barrier.  Then I eventually managed the 2x2.5s last week (twice ;-) )

So this week's task is 5w, 2j, 2w, 3j, 5w.  So there's another big jump - THREE MINUTES.  I was up early this morning so decided - let's do this - let's get it over and done with and then I'll know where I am.  So off I went at a nice wee trot when the first running bit beeped.  2 minutes, no problem.  But I knew I could do that, so no credit for myself just yet lol.  2w and I turned to head back as the HIIT programme beep, beep, beeped at me to start running for 3.  What were you all worried about??  Eh??  lol  I managed the three minutes with few issues to be absolutely honest, and even had enough energy at the end to jump and punch the air as if I'd just scored the winning goal for Scotland in a world cup final........ ok so that might be a LITTLE far fetched ;-)  However - same again tomorrow morning (dependent on how the head is after tonight) again on Thursday and Saturday, and then Monday I can move on to next week's task.  No idea what that is yet, I just want to concentrate on getting this 2 min/3min down pat first.

See you all tomorrow xx

Week 10. Well week 20 actually.

Looking back to when i first set out on this path, i can scarcely believe how far I've come. I'm running for crying out loud - RUNNING I TELLS YA!

Now, bad weather, and a week's holiday have me a couple of weeks behind everyone else, which bothers me ever so slightly.  But not that much ;-) Because, for the first time probably since I started, I'm not going to be hard on myself,  I'm not going to say I've failed and I'm definitely NOT going to say I feel disappointed.  Well, how can I really, honestly say I'm disappointed in myself? 

In August when i started this, about ten seconds was my limit.  Now I'm getting down on myself because i can't quite push myself to do 2 and a half minutes. Twice.  In the one 20 minute session lol!!

I'll get there, I know I will. Just like I've got there with every other hurdle I've faced so far.  It might  be this week, it might not be. But one thing is absolutely certain. If it's not this week, it'll not be for the lack of effort.

The goal for some time in 2013 is to get a 5k under my belt. Whenever that happens to be. After that? Well who knows? Because I know I can do anything I want to now.

Have a great Christmas everyone - I'm planning on catching up on some of what I've missed on the plan, so no weeks off for me. But that's something I'm perfectly happy with - and ssshhh don't tell anyone, but I'm quite looking forward to it!

Lamp posts yesterday afternoon

1.9k alternate jogging and walking between lamp posts. But that's not even close to being the full story. Because in the morning, i did a 5k.

Yes, i did say i did a 5k and yes i did do the 1.9k in the afternoon. Why? Well, in my life in the past 2 years, I've had to face my biggest fear, as i got up to go to the toilet during the night to find a snake in my bathroom. In exotic, sub tropical err Glasgow. On Sunday i was forced to face another, if not fear, then certainly a harsh reality of being a "fat burd trying to run." And that is finishing last while the organisers tap their feet and gather up the cones as you pass them on your trek in.  Similar to a snake in the bathroom - this is something that has always been in the back of my mind might happen, but in reality both are highly unlikely to do so.

Well, now I've experienced both scenarios, and at the time of their occurrences, i am genuinely not sure which one made me  feel worse. Of course, in the cold light of the day after the race - the snake wins by a country mile, however, for one hour yesterday, i felt like i was the unfittest person in the world, i panicked and my plan to run went completely out the window and i walked the majority of the race.  Because literally, the stewards WERE picking up the cones as i passed them, and not only that, we also picked up stewards as we passed them. Figuratively speaking of course, but by the time finished my friend (to whom i owe a huge huge thank you, as without her presence, I'd have walked off the course as soon as it became obvious i was going to finish last) and i had our own wee entourage of half a dozen stewards, several wooden km marker posts and a dog.

I had hoped to be able to run for 10 minutes of the full 5k, and secretly i had hoped to absolutely smash that. Instead, i felt like i was in the way, with a steward clearing the path ahead of me, bawling at the early returners to keep to their left and thus (in my mind) out of my way. Suddenly, my breathing that I'd struggled so long with, and had worked so hard on, was shallow, panicky and i felt like i was out of breath just walking.

Anyway, fast forward to the end, as i genuinely could not tell you much that happened during the race, and i ran the last minute or so to the line. Annoyingly i wasn't out of breath, as I'd totally relaxed by then, and then everyone applauding as we eventually crossed the line.

I felt really embarrassed yesterday, and really disappointed at how i had reacted to the adversity thrown at me. So disappointed in fact, that when i got home i kept the trainers on and i went out and jogged the 2k road. Why? Because i could, and because it's what i felt i should have done in the race.

Today though? Well, today is a different kettle of fish. Today, i requested that my time not be put on the site, so embarrassed was I still. However, thankfully i was too late, and it was already on. Thankfully, because instead of being, as i thought, a good 20-30 minutes behind everybody else, it turns out i was behind the last but one competitor by a measly 10 minutes. Now - THAT i can live with. That news this morning only served to bring on an attack of the "if onlys"  IF ONLY, i had relaxed and ignored what was going on around me with the cone gatherers.  IF ONLY I had relaxed and jogged for the periods of time i knew i could.  And most importantly of all IF ONLY I had listened to my 7 time marathon companion Steph, who told me that all the way round the course!!!! I promise I'll pay heed to you the next time Steph, and I'm sorry for the tears and snotters on your shoulder lol.

Additionally, the support from sue and the jogScotland folk both at the end of the race and today has been absolutely top class. I really don't know where my head would have been all through this if I'm being honest without sue, Steph and my pal Emily, who appeared to have swallowed a quote book today lol. Thank you so much, i know I'm hard work, but please stick with me, i need it x and for anyone who doubts the power of social media in turning someone's life around - contact me, I'll fill you in on mine!

So, to sum up one hell of a weekend - with a full day today to think about it - I've decided i can do one of 2 things. I can let it get to me, decide I'm just not cut out to be a runner and chuck it. Or i could suck it up, get over myself and get on with it.

So......... jogScotland - please accept this as your first entry for the 2013 Santa dash and get ready for a different, stronger, fitter me to turn up. Oh aye, and don't bother bringing a clock that goes above 40 minutes, I'll not be needing it!  ;-) #famouslastwords #bravepills

Yesterday I turned 41

.... and I went out for a drink with friends, as I did last year for my 40th. However - there is where the similarities between those two days end.  My 40th was a complete watershed day for me. I had (have?) a very low self esteem. I worried that perhaps no one would come and have a drink with me. I didn't like myself very much, so why would others? 

What actually happened was a bit of a personal Epiphany, as TWENTY FIVE different people popped in at various points throughout the day. Now, if I'd had a party there may have been more, of course. However - I was expecting to go out for a few drinks with a couple of pals and thought maybe one or two more might pop in. You can see why 25 kind of blew me away a little. I've thought - all these people - some senior folk in my work even - have taken time out of their Saturday to wish me happy birthday and spend some time. I do not have the vocabulary to convey everything I felt that day

So what's happened since? Well, the answers are all in my preceding blog posts, but in short,  I've thought to myself - if all these people like me, I guess there must be something in there worth liking - so let's find out what it is?

My personal twitter profile, created in 2008, has on it "inside me is a runner trying to get out." Running is something I always thought I would do at some stage. So as soon as the weather got better, around the end of March last year - I started walking. At first I walked a mile. Half a mile from my house and back. And it almost killed me. However, I stuck with it - and after walking the race for life in June, I joined jog Scotland and from then I've become a new person. I'm struggling badly at the moment, physically, mentally and culinary,  but I WILL get through it, I WILL manage it.

What will my blog post for my 42nd birthday be about? I really cannot wait to find out!! x

Week 5

From a minute to a minute and I half last week, this week saw a move from and minute and a half to two minutes. Never in a month of Sundays will I be able to run for 2 minutes. I thought. So worried about it was I, that before my first "public" attempt at it at the club on Tuesday I had a go on Monday. Got myself out of the "I can't" mindset, by trying to just chill, relax and take it easy. Out I went for the 5 warm up walk. Then a light trot really for the one minute, making sure I was very aware of letting everything sort of hang loose and just breathe naturally. That went fine, breathing back to normal and during the minute walk mentally prepared myself for yet another perceived barrier. Again - off I trotted, very relaxed, very easy pace and just tried not to think about what I was doing and how long the time was.... listening to the music and waiting fo........... bloody hell - there's the beep to indicate the end! Wow, incredible - totally surprised myself there! Walked for 2 then a further minute jog and the 5 warm down, which was about 8 back to my starting point. Bit flabbergasted there, thoroughly enjoyed it and absolutely delighted with myself. Tuesday night out with the club was very similar - just chill, relax and almost just let it happen - let your body do the running, not your mind?   Then came Thursday!!! lol - oh my God did that two minutes hit me like a truck?! It felt like about 142 minutes ;-) but again - I have to remember the positives - if you'd said to me at the start of this block, just 4 short weeks ago I'd be running for 12 minutes in total by this week, I'd be looking up the number for those nice young men in their lovely white coats to come and get you.  So, another big step forward, and another step toward my ultimate aim. Well I say that like I actually have an ultimate aim :-) at the moment - I'm just going one step at a time. Which kind of helps for this running caper!!  Sayonara x

Task for the weekend

Is to update the spreadsheet which is now hopelessly out of date! Finger out Camp!

The end of week 4

Mixed week really, found the programme really tough going indeed, but the most I'd ever done in one session before though, was a minute. This week the jog/walk timings were 1,1.5 and 1 again. Effectively doubling what I'd ever done before? However, with a lot of huffing and puffing, and at times probably feeling I would be able to walk quicker than I was hirpling along at, in the end up, I managed it. I Think that's about all that can be said about it. I never smashed it, I never aced it, I never once felt "this is shooty in." But, the bottom line for me right now, is that I did it, I managed it and I can type that with a wee sense of satisfaction.

To infinity and beyooooond!!!!!!  as if I've not had enough sci-fi nonsense this week.......  ;-)

Very difficult tonight

1.5 min for the first time, plus 2x1 minutes as well with the reciprocal amounts of walking in between too. I felt at times like it was never going to end - but it did, and even though I was fair peched at the end, I did it. I'll get there, I know I Will. More nice compliments from folk at work today too - this also helps to keep me going. I'm very much an "under the radar" girl, but it's still nice when folk say that to you

Sunday morning

Up with the lark..... oh how I wish I could be honest and say that at 8am Daniel Boone was reverberating around my head telling me it was a beautiful day. Instead I had mother nature telling me in her own inimitable way that I wasn't built for running. Still, mankind trumps mother nature at some things and a couple of vit c and oil of evening primrose tablets with a half litre of water off I went. I basically just did the jog Scotland programme again. Thanks to T-Mobile through my loyalty to them I now have a spare phone that I can use purely for exercise. So I started my podcast playing, started endomondo and started the hiit trainer set to let me know when each new period started and went and did it.

Again, another barrier overcome, a sniffly nose, a stomach issue and of course, the inbuilt lazyitis that's afflicted me for years didn't stop me doing my bit. 5 weeks today to the Christmas cracker. How much of it Will I be able to run?

Now how does that song go again? Oh yeah......  hey hey hey it's a beautiful day!

So, tonight sees the end of week three

well I think it's week three.  It might be week four, I'm not too sure

That makes 13 weeks in total which is yet another milestone, being a full quarter of a year that I have went out "jogging" for at least 2 nights per week.  Off tomorrow too - so might be able to get out again tomorrow during the day and build it up a wee bit more.

Come sunday it'll be 5 weeks to the jogScotland Christmas Cracker, at which the challenge is twofold.  Firstly, for the first time, I'd like to be able to run for some of it.  And, if doing so allows me to beat the 63 minute time from June, then that's great.  The major incentive just now though, is to get to the stage where I am able to run for the full 5k distance.  Obviously this is not going to be possible at this event, but it will be interesting to see just how much of it I am able to run.   Timings can come at a later stage.

Aye the nights are fair drawin in!

So last night was the first night after the clocks went back, and the start of the period I hate most in the year. For the time I'm NOT at my work it's dark. And even some of the time I'm at my work..... it's dark. It's not a great time of year! 

Obviously it's also too dark then for me to be out wandering or attempting to jog on my tod, so I plan also on doing some swimming on my nights on my own. But last night I decided to just go to the gym and do my programme. This is week 3 of block 2, with the ultimate aim of walking/jogging/walking for 5 minutes each time. 

So, off I went - and did something I never felt capable of doing in the past, running, or at least attempting to run, in a gym, with all the "beautiful people" I did get a few looks - but I'm certain that was only due to my dayglo trainers that they were all very jealous of! I've posted a pic of my glow in the dark "Halloween" costume. 

Onwards and upwards - another so called reason for not exercising banished? What's your next excuse Campo?? ;-)